We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
