You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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