I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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