Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
