you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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