look no pants
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
