she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
