i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
