dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You've changed since you got that strap on
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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