The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
