I feel great
I just peed on a car
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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