mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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