OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
