how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
