You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
