john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
