at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
