i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
