Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize