Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
