I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
