well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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