i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
