I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
