of course. lets lasso hookers.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
