no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
