If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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