I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
its not stalking. its research.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
