how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
