Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
