Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
