Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
