could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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