I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
