Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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