I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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