Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
