Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
