And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
