this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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