We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've blown a few things in my day
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
