And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
