you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just gift wrapped bread.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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