You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
