things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
