Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
