Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
True strength comes from lack of pants
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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