I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
