I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
