I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
