I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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