my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
