The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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