this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
