just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
