Tell her she can't have a vagina
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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