After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
