She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
