it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
