...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
