so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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