kristin has been a bad kristin
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When are your genitals available?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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