your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
