i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
